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One of the "substitute people"
Can I substitute for Kirsten?
For those of you who wondered
personal update after Mom's passing...Collapse )

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108 comments or Leave a comment
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From: shegollum Date: July 7th, 2007 12:00 am (UTC) (Link)
You are such a dear and I am so sorry for what you've gone through and also how you've had to go through it. I understand accomodating your father's wishes and respect so much that you did that - gave him that gift - but I hope now you can find your own peace.

You gave your mother a beautiful gift in that poem. It's perfect and gentle and so loving. That is how I have always seen and felt you as well.

*tight hugs* Come back when you can but don't feel rushed. Do what you want when you want. We want to know you're caring for yourself.
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 03:55 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs* You're very sweet. I was lucky in that I got to say goodbye to her and spend her last moments together. I just resent that preacher so much for butting in. But yes, I kept my feelings to myself for my dad. I thought his feelings should come first. But it's left me drifting and wondering how to make it through the night or next day. I'm tired of fighting and tired of just trying to survive. Financially, I'm in the toilet and this has only made everything worse. I can't support myself or my dad and now he'll have to move. I'm not mentally or physically up for it so the whole mess jsut makes me sick thinking about it.

Mom was the one person I could always talk to about anything--good or bad. She was *always* there for me and now that's gone. It's left me feeling drained but unable to sleep and my appetite is for shit. Which I guess is good because I can't afford anything anyway. I'm just tired of the struggle.
claudia603 From: claudia603 Date: July 7th, 2007 12:02 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm so sorry for your loss, sweetie. **hugs you tightly**
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 03:55 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks honey. *hugs*
veronica_rich From: veronica_rich Date: July 7th, 2007 01:11 am (UTC) (Link)

Now see, I think you should've sneakily arranged to have your mother's body cremated and then absconded with the urn for a sleepless road trip through central Indiana and points beyond. My younger sister's informed me that's what she plans to do with me (except she's also threatened to go home and scatter said ashes in the boundary lines of the county where I grew up, which I've spent my adult life staying AWAY from. Damn kids).
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 03:59 am (UTC) (Link)
If I coulda gotten away with it, I would have. As it was, due to her size, the funeral was nearly double and now dad's gonna have to sell the house. More fun, eh? *sigh*

I've always wanted to be cremated. Cheaper. And no one would give a rats ass about me in death anyway.
From: talesinbloom Date: July 7th, 2007 01:18 am (UTC) (Link)

I'm so sorry for your loss, honey.
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 03:59 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks honey. *hugs*
ainsoph15 From: ainsoph15 Date: July 7th, 2007 02:00 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs you very tight* It's weird, I was thinking about you today, and how you were, and if you were ok. Letting go is hard, but try not to be afraid of it. It takes a while. I hope you are allowing yourself to feel what you need to feel - give yourself permission to grieve. It's difficult when you have to try to keep it together for everyone else around you. I know how lonely that place is. You won't break, even if you feel like you'll shatter. Build a hearth around that spark of strength inside you. Even a small star shines in the darkness xxx
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 04:02 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs* What makes it that much harder is the difficult finances. *sigh* My whole future is in the toilet now and it's turned my world upside down. So not only do I have to deal with the loss of mom/confidant, there's the rest. So I'm more stressed than normal and it's keeping me from sleeping or wanting to do much of anything.
jenlynn820 From: jenlynn820 Date: July 7th, 2007 03:03 am (UTC) (Link)
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 04:03 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks hon. *hugs back*
admirabile From: admirabile Date: July 7th, 2007 03:35 am (UTC) (Link)
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 04:04 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks honey. *hugs back*
elflady_2001 From: elflady_2001 Date: July 7th, 2007 04:45 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh sweetie, I feel for you. I wasn't myself for quite some time after my dad passed away so I understand how you must feel. You're going to have to give yourself time heal. *huggles*
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 04:06 am (UTC) (Link)
I know. It's just with the financial difficulties on top of it, I leaves me just wanting to puke and then slice my wrists. I can't sleep, my appetite is for crap, I just have no will to do anything--not that I could. Everything costs money--everything. And I'd give anything to just be away from it all for a day.

Life shouldn't be this much of a fucking struggle.

montmorency From: montmorency Date: July 7th, 2007 05:03 am (UTC) (Link)
So very sorry to hear about your mother. Take care of yourself. <3
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 04:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks hon. *hugs*
From: galor5 Date: July 7th, 2007 06:11 am (UTC) (Link)
I don't think it ever gets easier but you learn to cope and more forward day by day. Sometimes it seems like it's been longer than 7 1/2 years since my own Mom passed and other times it feels like just days or weeks.


Hang in there sweetheart!!
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 04:09 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs* I know. I still miss my grandmother who was like a second mom to me and she died in '77. I was somewhat prepared for this, but to lose the one person I could always go to....
padabee From: padabee Date: July 7th, 2007 06:49 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs tight* I'm glad to hear from you again - and you should take all the time you need, I don't think there's anyone here who doesn't understand this.

I'm sorry the funeral sucked *snuggles*
The poem is very, very beautiful!
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 04:10 am (UTC) (Link)
Don't laugh, but I heard that poem on "Quantum Leap" and it hit me as the most beautiful thing, so I always knew from that moment on, I'd use it for her funeral. I believe Mark Twain wrote it for his daughter when she died.

From: kinseymill Date: July 7th, 2007 10:47 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs lots*
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 04:13 am (UTC) (Link)
*hugs back*
annieb1955 From: annieb1955 Date: July 7th, 2007 11:18 am (UTC) (Link)
Keeping you in my thoughts. I do know how rough it is.
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 04:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks so much honey. Believe it or not, I received condolences from Garett too. I thought it was very sweet of him.
zee113 From: zee113 Date: July 7th, 2007 12:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
I understand you, although we might have different methods of coping. There are things still that I'm not committing to paper even after more than three years. I still have difficulties talking about it...

Anyways... I wish there was something I could do besides just hugging, but hey... *shrugs* *hugs anyway*
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 04:16 am (UTC) (Link)
I think the financial burdens are making it just that much harder. And mom being the one person I could always talk to... *sigh*

Hugs are good. *squishes back*
dollface_uk From: dollface_uk Date: July 7th, 2007 04:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
araestel From: araestel Date: July 8th, 2007 04:16 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks honey. *hugs back*
108 comments or Leave a comment
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